2011, The Year of the Punch

I think a good punch to the face could solve a lot of problems.  When someone is being ridiculously annoying or rude, or just plain dumb I think they deserve a punch to the face.  I think it would stop their problematic behavior.  For example if someone is rude to me while I am checking them out, "that is supposed to be that price!" "why can't you tell me the price of crock-pots?"(<---actually happened) "Why do I (the customer) not get the right WIC approved items?",  I think that I should be able to punch them in the face with no explanation and then continue on with my job (hopefully they would eventually get the hint after a few 1-2's).  It would be like Pavlov's classical conditioning.  Punish the bad behavior and eventually it would stop.  Reward people with common sense by not punching them in the face.  Because I feel we as a society should implement this rule, and go all "Mike Tyson" on the idiots, here is my list of people who I feel deserve to be punched in the face:

1. Dora the Explorer

I cannot stand Dora!! The first reason is because my little sister used to have this Dora toy that would sing and dance and stuff and it would go off when people were not even playing with it and it really creeped me out.  The second reason Dora deserves a punch in the face is because I think she sends the wrong message to children.  That message is "to go exploring without adult supervision in foreign countries with only the aid of a most likely ebola-ridden monkey!"  Dora goes off on her adventures alone and she is just a little kid.  Nowadays, this is not a safe thing to do, with all the "stranger danger" going around.  Also, Dora just really needs to get a GPS, it is 2011 I'm sure that they have an APP for that, because at your age you most likely have an ipad anyway.  Also stop singing about what things are. I think after that out-of-date map of yours tells people once that it is a map, they get it, so there is not need to continue on with that obvious lesson!  And for that Dora, you should learn a song about ducking.

2. F. Scott Fitzgerald

Greatest American novel my ass! Mr. Fitzgerald, you deserve a punch in the face because this book is awful!  I honestly could only read one paragraph and I HAD to put it down because it was that bad.  I do not understand why they still make kids read this in high school.  It is so boring and not one bit engaging, that I personally would be okay if it was banned, or burned. For the torture you put me through Mr. F.S.F, you deserve a punch with this book in hard cover!

3. Kanye West

I could write a novel about how much I cannot stand about Kanye West, and that even was before the whole Taylor Swift incident.  I just cannot stand how old K.W. thinks he is like the greatest thing since sliced bread. Your music sucks, your attitude sucks, your style sucks and your girlfriends look like whores.  Top that all off with the whole "stealing T-Swift" award moment, and I would be ready to go 18 rounds with you West. For just existing Kanye,  I think you should find where the sidewalk ends and keep going.

4. Lindsey Lohan

Oh Lilo, I really do feel sorry for you.  You were such a wonderful child actress, and it really is sad that your life has taken such a downward spin.  I do not fully blame you, you obviously have terrible people managing you, and not enough people who are really looking out for your best interests.  But you need to get it together.  It is a sad day for your career when you cannot even play a porn star in a biopic.  You need to spend A LOT more time away from the clubs (and probably drugs, alcohol and jewelry stores) and you need to get sober.  Honestly no one in hollywood takes you seriously, so your best move would be to go away for a few years, get healthy and then come back with some small roles in amazing films and build your resume back up.  If that doesn't work, Wal-Mart is always hiring (they do have drug tests though).  Lilo you just need some plain-old sense knocked into you.

5. Barack Obama

All I have to say is "How's all that HOPE and CHANGE working out Mr. President?" Some one should smack you with the constitution every time you try to push your health care agenda.

6. Tiger Woods & Jesse James

 

 These two are idiots!  They were married to some of the most beautiful women on the planet and they cheat on them!  Like seriously one's wife was a model and the other's an oscar winner, obviously these two were dating-up. These two probably thought they would never get caught, but the truth always comes out, and your careers will never be the same again because you two lost the respect of the people.   Sandra Bullock should have borrowed the clubs after Elin was done beating Tiger with them.  You two scumbags should be ashamed (and also grateful that you didn't get herpes!).  Watch out boys because I will not be yelling "FOUR!" when I swing.

7. Justin Beiber

Oh, J.B. you really stuck your foot in your mouth with that Rolling Stone article you gave! First you sort of justify rape and then you call American's evil; I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that it is probably not a good idea to insult the people who make you a lot of money.  Now I get that you are only like 16 or 12 (who really can tell with that high pitched voice of yours?)  but you really need to learn how to answer questions and just have better diction as well.  If you want to have a lasting career you really need to learn these things, because until your voice cracks in about 5 years, no one is going to take you seriously if you continue to say that Canada is better than America (because it's not, no offense Canada).  Also, you think that Canadians get to go the doctors for free, but you need to realize that it is paid by the tax payers.  Nothing in life is free Justin (not even your music), and for that you should be smacked with the baseball caps you wear, and then sent to your room without supper.

So that is my list! Trust me, it could be way longer. :)

Remember kids, violence is never the answer (except when it is) !

Peace & Love

-K