2011, The Year of the Punch

I think a good punch to the face could solve a lot of problems.  When someone is being ridiculously annoying or rude, or just plain dumb I think they deserve a punch to the face.  I think it would stop their problematic behavior.  For example if someone is rude to me while I am checking them out, "that is supposed to be that price!" "why can't you tell me the price of crock-pots?"(<---actually happened) "Why do I (the customer) not get the right WIC approved items?",  I think that I should be able to punch them in the face with no explanation and then continue on with my job (hopefully they would eventually get the hint after a few 1-2's).  It would be like Pavlov's classical conditioning.  Punish the bad behavior and eventually it would stop.  Reward people with common sense by not punching them in the face.  Because I feel we as a society should implement this rule, and go all "Mike Tyson" on the idiots, here is my list of people who I feel deserve to be punched in the face:

1. Dora the Explorer

I cannot stand Dora!! The first reason is because my little sister used to have this Dora toy that would sing and dance and stuff and it would go off when people were not even playing with it and it really creeped me out.  The second reason Dora deserves a punch in the face is because I think she sends the wrong message to children.  That message is "to go exploring without adult supervision in foreign countries with only the aid of a most likely ebola-ridden monkey!"  Dora goes off on her adventures alone and she is just a little kid.  Nowadays, this is not a safe thing to do, with all the "stranger danger" going around.  Also, Dora just really needs to get a GPS, it is 2011 I'm sure that they have an APP for that, because at your age you most likely have an ipad anyway.  Also stop singing about what things are. I think after that out-of-date map of yours tells people once that it is a map, they get it, so there is not need to continue on with that obvious lesson!  And for that Dora, you should learn a song about ducking.

2. F. Scott Fitzgerald

Greatest American novel my ass! Mr. Fitzgerald, you deserve a punch in the face because this book is awful!  I honestly could only read one paragraph and I HAD to put it down because it was that bad.  I do not understand why they still make kids read this in high school.  It is so boring and not one bit engaging, that I personally would be okay if it was banned, or burned. For the torture you put me through Mr. F.S.F, you deserve a punch with this book in hard cover!

3. Kanye West

I could write a novel about how much I cannot stand about Kanye West, and that even was before the whole Taylor Swift incident.  I just cannot stand how old K.W. thinks he is like the greatest thing since sliced bread. Your music sucks, your attitude sucks, your style sucks and your girlfriends look like whores.  Top that all off with the whole "stealing T-Swift" award moment, and I would be ready to go 18 rounds with you West. For just existing Kanye,  I think you should find where the sidewalk ends and keep going.

4. Lindsey Lohan

Oh Lilo, I really do feel sorry for you.  You were such a wonderful child actress, and it really is sad that your life has taken such a downward spin.  I do not fully blame you, you obviously have terrible people managing you, and not enough people who are really looking out for your best interests.  But you need to get it together.  It is a sad day for your career when you cannot even play a porn star in a biopic.  You need to spend A LOT more time away from the clubs (and probably drugs, alcohol and jewelry stores) and you need to get sober.  Honestly no one in hollywood takes you seriously, so your best move would be to go away for a few years, get healthy and then come back with some small roles in amazing films and build your resume back up.  If that doesn't work, Wal-Mart is always hiring (they do have drug tests though).  Lilo you just need some plain-old sense knocked into you.

5. Barack Obama

All I have to say is "How's all that HOPE and CHANGE working out Mr. President?" Some one should smack you with the constitution every time you try to push your health care agenda.

6. Tiger Woods & Jesse James

 

 These two are idiots!  They were married to some of the most beautiful women on the planet and they cheat on them!  Like seriously one's wife was a model and the other's an oscar winner, obviously these two were dating-up. These two probably thought they would never get caught, but the truth always comes out, and your careers will never be the same again because you two lost the respect of the people.   Sandra Bullock should have borrowed the clubs after Elin was done beating Tiger with them.  You two scumbags should be ashamed (and also grateful that you didn't get herpes!).  Watch out boys because I will not be yelling "FOUR!" when I swing.

7. Justin Beiber

Oh, J.B. you really stuck your foot in your mouth with that Rolling Stone article you gave! First you sort of justify rape and then you call American's evil; I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that it is probably not a good idea to insult the people who make you a lot of money.  Now I get that you are only like 16 or 12 (who really can tell with that high pitched voice of yours?)  but you really need to learn how to answer questions and just have better diction as well.  If you want to have a lasting career you really need to learn these things, because until your voice cracks in about 5 years, no one is going to take you seriously if you continue to say that Canada is better than America (because it's not, no offense Canada).  Also, you think that Canadians get to go the doctors for free, but you need to realize that it is paid by the tax payers.  Nothing in life is free Justin (not even your music), and for that you should be smacked with the baseball caps you wear, and then sent to your room without supper.

So that is my list! Trust me, it could be way longer. :)

Remember kids, violence is never the answer (except when it is) !

Peace & Love

-K

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. A Review

So I haven't posted in  a few days (sorry life has been pretty busy!) So I thought I would come back with a review of the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  It is the traditional story written by Jane Austin, but now with ZOMBIES.  I am a sucker for anything Zombie related so I just had to read this.

Now this book took me a while to read, but that was due to the fact that I would only read it while on break at my job.  But I really loved it.  The whole time I was reading it, I had the images from the movie (the one with Keira Knightly and that dude who played Mr. Darcy) playing in my head.  I could picture the sisters Bennet walking around the green english countryside or at the balls they attended and even that annoying Mr. Collins.  Just as I remembered a beautiful scene from the film, they would throw in a zombie attack and Elizabeth and the others would go all samurai/ninja (depending on where they were trained) and totally kick-ass at zombie killing. 

Also, the way the dialect flows from the original book to the added zombie mentions is amazing.  The characters would be like "I love you chestnut mane and your english parts, and your ability to take down 100 unmentionables (zombies) with your pinky!" This is not a direct quote but that is how the talking portions flowed.  

Now I am super excited that they are turning this book into a movie!  I think they should remake the one they already did but with zombies added, because I think those actors had great chemistry.  This is highly unlikely so hopefully the new cast will be great!  

I would say that if you are a fan of either the original book or of zombies you should read this.  Its an interesting retelling of a beloved story, and who can really say no to zombies? I mean, they eat brains and I know that everyone out there secretly wishes they could come face to face with one!

Peace & Love 

-K

I wish I invented silly bands.....

So I was reading today about how the Kardashian sisters now have their own line of silly bands, and this makes me jealous.  Now, I do not own silly bands and I do not care to, because I am not twelve years old, or stupid.  I can say that I wish I invented them though, or any other stupid invention for that matter.  Imagine the amount of money the person who made silly bands has made? Yeah, definitely more money that I will ever see in my entire lifetime I am sure.  The fact that someone could take a rubber band and sort of make a shape out of it and then sell it to impressionable preteens is obviously a genius in my book!

Here is my list of stupid inventions that I wish I would have thought of:

1. Silly Bands

2. Snuggie

3. Shake Weights

4. Bumpits

5. Pillowpets

6. Fushigi Ball

To see the Kardashian silly bands go to http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/02/photos-kardashians-glam-silly-bandz-launch

Peace & Love 

-K

Dear Helen Keller

Yeah, sorry about making fun of you all those times....not really....but today i feel like I experienced a little of what you had to go through.  Today my glasses broke, and for someone who is optically challenged like myself this is not a good thing.  Now my glasses broke when I took them off of my head, like the arm totally broke off and the screws are missing.  Cue eye appointment tomorrow.  Now for someone who is used to being able to see, being partially blind is a difficult task.  It was hard for me to peruse the gossip websites this morning without the gift of sight.  Now I could read them, but I had to get really close and I did not even attempt to watch television because that would have just been a bunch of blobs with sound playing behind it.  Now Helen, I feel like I was like you today because it was also weird for me to just move around my house and do everyday tasks. I was not bumping into furniture or eating food off of other people's plates or anything but I feel like I had a very trying morning.  Do you know how hard it is to straighten your hair when you cannot see all the bumps and creases that may be missed of left behind? No Helen you dont because you did not have that type of technology back then.  All you had was a nanny and sign language.  But being without one of my senses makes me a little more empathetic to you as well as Daredevil (you know that blind superhero).  I will try to cut back on my jokes about your inability to see, but your deafness, that is still fair game.

Peace & Love
-K

Catching Up On Shows Is Hard.....

You know you watch to many shows when it becomes a chore to watch all of them.  But I am obliged to the characters that I have spent years watching.  I cannot just give up on them especially when it is their last season :(

The first show that I am referring to is none other than GREEK!  You know the one about fraternities and sororities at a fictional ohio university (you know it really doesnt take place in ohio because it never snows there).  Now I have really been lacking some Cappie and Casey drama in my life.  THANK GOD FOR ON DEMAND!!! Seriously if DVR and on demand didnt exist, then I wouldnt be able to have a life or work or go to school or anything because I just have way to many shows.  Now I have only gotten up to the episode that we find out Heath is Dave and we get to see a lot more of Beaver on the show ( i really like him, he should be featured a lot more).  I am kinda glad that Rusty is no longer with Dana (you know, the nympho for Superbad) because she was annoying and she has bad teeth.  I also loved how Beaver called one of the greatest american novels "Tequila Mockingbird."  This show makes me miss college.

The second show that I am catching up on as I write is Hawaii 5-0.  i just want to say, Thank You Scott Caan for existing.  You really steal the show from McGarrett (dont worry O'Loughlin I still love you) and I love your car.  I have seen every show that has aired so far, and the one I am catching up on now is the tsunami episode.  I wonder if the big wave will hit......

The third show that I am way to far behind on is Castle.  You  know the cop show on ABC starring Nathan Fillion.  Now I love Nathan.  I loved him on Firefly, and I loved him when he played Caleb on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  He just has that charming, goofy, lovable guy next door with a lot of money quality to him.  I dont think I am alone when I say that I am hoping that Castle and Beckett hook up.  Now, I am like at least three weeks behind so this could have happened and I just dont know it yet.  But if you enjoy the show as much as I do, I recommend reading the companion books about the character Nikki Heat.  I just basically picture Beckett and Castle, and it is like reading an episode of the show.  Maybe I will catch up on this show this weekend.

Remember everyone, "You are the star of your own life!"

Peace & Love
-K

Movie Review--Love and Other Drugs

*SPOILER ALERT*

Love and Other Drugs which stars the lovely Anne Hathaway and the gorgeous Jake Gyllenhal was a very charming and unexpected story of two twenty-somethings who fall in love in the mid 1990s.  When I first saw the trailers for this movie, I thought it was about an extremely attractive man-whore who sold pharmaceuticals to doctors, and a free spirit who had commitment issues.  Well, I was sort of right, except the movie got a whole lot more serious when it was revealed that Anne's character Maggie had parkinson's syndrome, and that Jake's character Jamie, really was just someone who was not living up to his full potential.  

Well one can guess that their relationship is all hot and heavy (quite a bit of boobage in this film) in the beginning, and the two of them just want something casual. As Maggie says in the film,

"This is about finding an hour or two of relief from the pain of being you. And that's fine with me, see, because all I want is the exact same thing. "

Well of course this isn't enough for these two people and they fall in love, both admitting it at different times.  Of course with the disease that Maggie has, Jamie decides that he wants to fix her.  We all know that there is no cure, and Maggie gives him the out.  He take's it, but while watching a very heartwarming part of a raunchy video they made, he realizes that the disease is not who she is, but that he loves her, and that they are both complete each other.  This obviously culminates with Jamie chasing down Maggie's bus and they have that moment where he tell's her that he needs her, and she tells him that she will need him more.  The film ends with clips showing their life in the near future, enjoying the company of each other, and making most of the time that they have while Maggie's disease is still in it's early stages.

----There were some very funny parts to this movie, most of which involved "Little Jake."  There is an unfortunate incident with Viagra, and also one that deals with his "limp sense of humor."  Also Josh Gad who plays Jamie's younger brother, steals some scenes.  For instance he gets caught wacking off to the sex video Jamie and Maggie made, and there is NSFW moment when he is at a pajama party.  Overall I thought this movie was very heartwarming, especially when it comes to loving someone no matter what issues there may be.  I give it 3 out of 4 stars.  

Peace & Love

-K

99 Cent Taco Tuesday's!!

Cue the chihuahuas and mariachi music, because it is 99 cent taco tuesday on campus!  Honestly I think that the SPC Gibbs campus has much better food than the seminole campus.  At seminole all they had were crappy slices of pizza, and like a panini.  But at Gibbs, every tuesday is taco tuesday and this makes me smile!  Two soft tacos with the fixins' and a diet coke are really what I need when I get out of my anatomy and physiology class.  The awesomeness of the tacos is what really gets me through the boringness of my Statistics class (even thinking about it makes me yawn).  I do have one complaint though, they started charging 25 cents for sour cream!  This I think is a travesty.  I get why they charge for it, because selfish people were probably taking more then they should of, so the school had to get all cheap on us and starting making us dig around for those quarters! Now, I will totally pay for it, because honestly, I think it is the best part of the entire taco (that is why I pay extra at taco bell for the supreme instead of the boring old plain ones).  But I think maybe the school should just use some of those tuition funds and pay for it themselves.  Not everyone is going to get the tacos ( I see some people getting burgers and fries, those people do exist) so lets go back to the old days of last week where we didnt charge for the condiments!

The tacos were as good as ever today! Keep up the good work, food service people :)

Peace & Love
-K

The Only Reason To Get Up At 6:30 a.m.....

Pancakes.  And I am not talking about the frozen ones that you put in the microwave, I'm talking about full on homemade Bisquick pancakes and bacon (specifically 3 strips of bacon, any more is just to much pig).  Homemade pancakes are really becoming somewhat of a Tuesday and Thursday morning ritual.  It started because I have to drive my mom to work on these days so I can use her car to go to class.  I used to get an egg mcmuffin from mickey d's last semester but that became to much of a hassle, and I don't have to pay my mom to cook.  The drama with mickey d's involved a lot of renovations to the restaurant which were really inconvenient and then I have to sit through school zone traffic, which is not fun at all.  So in come the pancakes!  I just love how one gets the crispy edges and the soft centers that come with the homemade feeling.  Slab a little butter and syrup on those fluffy disks and one has the perfect breakfast that will keep me satisfied until I get out of my first class!  It doesn't take that long to make, so I can still get in some shut eye before I have to leave.  I think the best thing to enjoy with the pancakes is about a half a glass of diet coke.  I know it is not the healthiest of drinks (people usually drink OJ or milk) but there is nothing as refreshing as the sweet taste of aspartame in the morning (except maybe the smell of napalm..lol)

Anyways, my day has started off great, I may still be tired, but I'm not hungry and thats more than Starvin' Marvin can say!

Peace & Love
-K

So I Hate My Job....

I say this sentence pretty much every other day.  That is because I seem to work every other day.  I'm a cashier for one of the biggest retail corporations in the entire world.  If you cant guess where I work, I will give you a hint, it rhymes with "fallmart."  Now, I should be grateful that I have a job with the economy being as bad as it is, but most of the time I want to punch people in the face for telling me that.  Like, being a cashier at 25 years old is not a choice, this is not what I aspired to become, it just shows that I am still a college student.  The thing I cannot stand most about the job, is the way people treat me.  This goes for both customers and other employees who tend to treat me like I am a teenager.  Granted, I do look young for my age, but that doesn't mean people should just assume that I am someone who has that potential to suffer from 'Bieber-Fever.' Customers like to treat me like I am a moron, and they become impatient if something is not done immediately, and a certain supervisor who I will just refer to as "Gollum" likes to disrespect me in front of everyone (I'm sure there will be many future posts about this monster).  I honestly think Gollum gets a kick out of making me push carts around in the heat, or by sticking me on register 1. I think the little monster is just waiting for me to snap one day so I will get fired.  

As for the way customers see me, I think they think I am one of those people who has totally failed at life.  Like, they probably think "Oh look at this sad human being, lets harass her because she works in a grocery store!"  I am always the cashier who gets the worst type of customers.  For example, I was working customer service because the usual person was out sick, and there was a problem with the register that only a manager could fix. So I was unable to ring anybody's order up until it was fixed.  I had this ridiculously impatient girl complaining about why I was not dropping my entire life to cash her check.  She was going on and on about how there should be another person to work behind there (when we only have one customer service person at a time) and how I was being rude, even though she was the one who cut a bunch of people in line and started bitching at me....She works for McDonalds so she has no business being rude to anyone.  I eventually told her off (it made me smile!)  If she wanted to report me to management she could have but that probably would have taken to long for her anyways.  

Word of advice to anyone who may read this--Be nice to people who work in grocery stores, because otherwise you may go home with broken eggs and flattened bread. 

Until next time, Peace & Love

--K